Although it is not illegal to send your child to school without being potty trained, when students get to UPrep, it is expected that they know how to cleanly use the restroom. Unfortunately this is not the case.

I would describe the bathrooms as a dookie dungeon. The students clearly have pee pee problems. The bathrooms are so bad that UPoop would be a more fitting name than UPrep. Since it is clear that students cannot use bathrooms like adults, I will alter my language in accordance.

The bathroom situation at UPoop is tragic. Students are held to a high standard. We are the future doctors, engineers and scientists. Yet, somehow, we have not grasped the basics of potty etiquette.

Since we clearly need to be refreshed, here are some tips and tricks to keeping everyones’ experience clean and pleasant.

Tip 1: If you urinate while you stand up, please, raise the toilet seat. I know UPoop struggles at sports so aim isn’t our strong suit, but this is simple. If you are accuracy-challenged, clean up after yourself.  This isn’t an art class, there’s no need to leave your personal “splash zone” as a permanent exhibit.

Tip 2: Throw away your trash. There are constantly paper towels all over the floors of the bathrooms. I wish there was a way to magically pick up everything, unfortunately there isn’t so we must rely on the good ‘ole picking up after ourselves

Tip 3: Flush the toilet. This one doesn’t need much explaining. What is the harm in flushing? The toilet isn’t going to bite you. No one wants to know what you ate for lunch three hours earlier. Please just flush it.

Students of University Poop, we are better than this! Together, we can make the bathrooms less of a dookie dungeon and more of a sanitary sanctuary. Flush responsibly.